By Anita Quigley
Tuesday, August 07, 2007 at 05:34pm

THERE is an episode in Sex and the City where Sarah Jessica Parker’s character Carrie attends a baby shower at a girlfriend’s place. The new mother insists shoes be left at the door so not to damage the floors, but when it comes time to go home, Carrie’s new $485 pair of Manolo Blahniks have been stolen.

Her host offers to pay for them, then baulks at the cost, accusing Carrie of being utterly self-indulgent by spending nearly $500 on a pair of shoes for herself.
This leads Carrie to do a little mental arithmetic and conclude: “Over the years I have bought Kyra [her host] an engagement gift, a wedding gift, then there was the trip to Maine for the wedding _ three baby gifts ... in total I have spent over $2300 celebrating her life choices and she is shaming me for spending a lousy 485 bucks on myself.’’
Another character Charlotte counters: “Yes, but those were gifts. And if you got married or had a baby, she would spend the same on you’’. Carrie responds: “And if I don’t ever get married or have a baby, what? If you are single, after graduation, there isn’t one occasion where people celebrate you.’’

Well, there is now. It’s called the 40th and like some weddings, no expense is spared.
Turning 40 is the new choice party for single women and I say three cheers to that. Mind you, by having a fabulous 40th doesn’t mean you are saying “I’m a spinster’’. And nor does it rule out a wedding and even christenings in the future. All it does say is that after 40 a wedding may not be as big a blow-out as when you are younger.

I use the Sex and the City analogy because it’s all about how we perceive singles, couples, and parents _ and the gifts we tend to lavish on the latter two. I have attended a couple of fab 40ths for single girlfriends and am jetting off to Hong Kong for another in the New Year.

One was a sit-down catered meal for 60 at a restaurant paid for by the birthday girl with the help of her parents. There were a couple of really touching speeches from family and friends.

Another had a catered lunch at a harbourside restaurant, followed by an international party trail for 15 at a restaurant in Venice a few months later on her actual birthday. Guests came from all over Europe and even some from Australia to help her celebrate.
But when I recently mentioned the upcoming Hong Kong party, a pair of very well-shaped eyebrows were raised by a married friend, who hinted at the extravagance. Yet, as I pointed out, plenty of people are asked to travel for weddings so why not a single friend’s 40th?

Both are equally valid celebrations, although not everyone seems to agree. A 30-something former flatmate estimates spending close to $8000 on bridesmaids dresses, shoes, flowers, travel and gifts over the years.

She says it is nice to have been asked so many times (five at last count), but does wonder if she is single at 40 and proposes a big bash back in her home town of Perth, her friends will be just as generous as she has been.

It’s not about evening the score, it’s about everyone deserving one great party _ a celebration where the focus is just on them. And, unlike you’re 18th or 21st birthdays, fortieths are a great way to also celebrate your achievements.

For my mother’s generation, often the only emblem of female success was a husband and children. To be 40, single and wealthy enough to throw yourself a big bash was unheard of or to be pitied rather than celebrated.

Most little girls are indoctrinated with the fairytale that there will only be one big day in their life where they will be the centre of attention _ their wedding day. But as we all know, little girls grow up and for one reason or another realise it’s OK to stop believing in other people’s fairytales and make their own.

Daily Telegraph link