ROMANCE MATHEMATICS:
*Smart man + smart woman = romance
*Smart man + dumb woman = affair
*Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
*Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC:
*Smart boss + smart employee = profit
*Smart boss + dumb employee = production
*Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
*Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH:
*A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
*A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS:
*A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
*A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
*A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife can spend.
*A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS:
*To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot
and love him a little.
*To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and
not try to understand her at all.
*Married men live longer than single men, but married men
are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY:
*Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no
use in two people remembering the same thing.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE:
*A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't.
*A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change,
and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE:
*A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a
man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
*Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me
in the ribs and cackling,
telling me, "You're next".
*They stopped after I started doing the same thing
to them at funerals.