Di Beijing, yang namanya becak lain dengan becak di sini. Becak di Beijing itu ditarik, namanya rijksaw. Jadi si penarik rijksaw di depan, penumpang di belakang.

Buat para penarik rijksaw di Beijing, dikenal 1 jalan, yang konon katanya sangat angker. Namanya jalan Lan Chiang. Jarang ada orang yang mau lewat ke jalan itu, jam 9-an pun biasanya udah sesepi jam 12 malem, hanya ada suara anjing2 yang melolong kedinginan.

Suatu saat, tepatnya malam sebelum imlek tahun Naga yang lalu, ada 1 orang penarik rijksaw, yang baru saja pulang mengantar penumpangnya, namanya Wan Sing, dan entah bagaimana, jalan pulang yang biasanya dia lewati, ditutup. Jalan satu2nya yang bisa dilewati adalah jalan Lan Chiang. Akhirnya dia terpaksa melewati jalan tersebut dengan berat hati.

Tepat di tengah jalan tersebut, tiba-tiba ada 1 orang wanita, cantik sekali, memakai baju serba putih, rambutnya panjang, dan wangi bau parfumnya seperti bunga kamboja. Kemudian wanita itu menghentikan dia.

Wan Sing yang ketakutan, akhirnya mau juga berhenti, walaupun dia sudah berkeringat dingin.

Kemudian wanita itu minta diantar sampai ke ujung jalan Lan Chiang, dan naik ke rijksawnya tanpa menunggu persetujuan Wan Sing. Karena Wan Sing takut sekali, akhirnya dia menarik rijksawnya sekencang-kencangnyanya, supaya cepat sampai depan, pikirnya.

Begitu sampai di ujung jalan Lan Chiang, Wan Sing merasakan bahwa rijksawnya ringan sekali seperti tidak ada penumpangnya, waktu dia menoleh ke belakang... DASSHH! Benar saja, wanita itu sudah menghilang! Makin takut si Wan Sing sehingga tidak berani menceritakan kepada siapa pun...

Keesokan malamnya tepat pada hari imlek malam, entah lupa entah sial, Wan Sing terpaksa lewat jalan Lan Chiang itu lagi, dan sekali lagi bertemu dengan wanita yang kemarin. Kemudian seperti kejadian kemarin wanita itu minta diantar ke ujung jalan Lan Chiang lagi dan naik kembali ke rijksawnya. Wan SIng yang sudah semakin takut karena kejadian kemarin malam, cepat-cepat menarik rijksawnya, dan waktu sedang dalam keadaan panik, takut dan kalut, sehingga rijksawnya tergoncang-goncang karena dia ngebut, tiba-tiba wanita itu menepuk bahunya.

Wan Sing terkejut dan ketakutan setengah mati, begitu penuturannya. Dia berhenti dan menoleh ke belakang dengan jantung berdebar-debar...

Kemudian tanpa disangkanya sama sekali, wanita itu berkata...

...

...

"Bang bawa rijksawnya pelan2 aja, entar saya jatoh lagi kaya kemaren!"

???!!!

PART ONE
> >
> > Ane kaget banget kemaren ini pas lewat di depannye kelurahan, ngebace
> > spanduk nyang isinye: "SAVE THE COUNTRY, HANG TNI ... SAVE THE
> > PEOPLE, HANG POLRI"
> > Usut punye usut, ternyate nyang dimaksud ialah: "Keselametan
> > negare,tergantung TNI ... keselametan rakyat, tergantung POLRI".
> > Bujubuneng ..., rupenye si Lurah baru ikutan kursus bahase Inggris
> > tapi udah nekat buat tampil ...
> >
> >
> > PART TWO
> >
> > Seorg sopir lagi nyetirin boss bule Amrik, kebetulan lagi sial.
> > Mobilnya nyodok kendaraan di depannya krn mendadak berhenti. Dgn
> > terbata2 ia minta maaf kpd si boss: "Sorry Sir, I brake brake, do
> > not eat. After I Check, the wheel no flower again." ("maaf pak,saya
> > rem2 nggak makan, stlh saya cek rodanya nggak ada kembangannya
> > lagi.") Begitu si Boss mau ikutan ribut sama yg ditabrak, dia
> > bilang: "Don't follow mix Sir! the bring that car if not wrong is
> > the children fruit from manager moneys, he stupid doesn't
> > play! let know taste." ("nggak usah ikut campur pak, yg bawa mobil
> > itu kalo nggak salah anak buah dr manajer keuangan, dia memang
> > goblok bukan main, biar tahu rasa.")
> >
> > Besoknya si supir gak masuk kerja, terus pas lusanya dia masuk si
> > boss bule nanya: "Why you're not coming?" Jwb si supir : "I am sorry
> > boss, my body is not delicious, my body taste like enter the wind."
> > ("maaf boss badan saya tidak enak, badan saya rasanya seperti masuk
> > angin.")
> > "I really don't knowwhat's your point!" kata bossnya
> >
> >
> > PART THREE
> >
> > Suatu hari ada bule kehilangan sepeda motornya yg dia parkir didepan
> > toko di sekitar jln Malio-boro Yogya. Lalu dia bertanya ke Paijo yg
> > saat itu kebetulan berada di tempat parkir,apakah dia ngeliat org yg
> > ngambil sepeda motornya. Paijo bilang, "Yes, he use to table square-
> > square.Worth he fast-fast go without any wet expire." ("Iya, dia
> > memakai kemeja kotak-kotak.Pantes dia cepat-cepat pergi tanpa basa
> > basi".)
> > Lalu dgn sok berwibawa Paijo menasehati, "Sir, different river, if
> > park bicycle motor liver-liver yes?" ("Tuan, lain kali kalo parkir
> > sepeda motor hati-hati ya?")
> > Tapi bule itu diam saja krn nggak tau mau jwb apa,shg Paijo jadi
> > ngedumel:
> > "Basic bule!" ("Dasar bule!") Krn ngga tau hrs ngomong apa lagi, si
> > bule ngeloyor pergi & dgn PDnya Paijo bilang, "Breasttttt!" sambil
> > melambaikan tangannya. Maksudnya: Dadaaaaa!

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello."

"Is your daddy home?", he asked. "Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"

"Yes." "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper".

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "ME."

----

A Fairy told a married couple: for being such an exemplary married couple for 25 years,
"I will give you each a wish"

"I want to travel around the world with my dearest "husband" said the wife.

The fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! two tickets appeared in her hands.

Now it was the husband's turn.

He thought for a moment and said

"Well......this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime. So....I'm sorry my love, but my wish is......to have a wife 30 years younger than me"

The wife was deeply disappointed but, a wish was a wish.

The Fairy made a circle with her magic stick and.......abracadabra!...

Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.

Men might be unreasonable...

But Fairies are....................Female!

Kolekte
Sebuah pesawat hampir jatuh, sang pramugari segera berteriak kepada > sang pendeta, yang kebetulan saat itu menjadi salah satu penumpang, > "Pak Pendeta cepat lakukan sesuatu!!!"
"Melakukan apa?" tanya sang pendeta kebingungan.
"Seperti yang sering dilakukan di gereja!!!" jawab sang pramugari dari jarak yang jauh.
Tak lama kemudian tampak pendeta itu sedang mengedarkan kantong > kolekte kepada seluruh penumpang.

Dosa Berbohong
Sesudah acara pendalaman iman, sang Pastor berkata, "Minggu depan, > saya akan berkotbah tentang dosa berbohong. Untuk membantu kalian > dalam mengerti apa yang akan saya ujarkan, saya ingin anda semua membaca injil Markus pasal 17." >
Minggu berikutnya, saat Pastor bersiap-siap untuk berkotbah, ia > meminta semua orang yang sudah membaca injil Markus bab 17 untuk mengangkat tangan. Semua orang mengangkat tangan. Pastor tersenyum dan berkata, "Injil Markus hanya sampai bab 16. Dan sekarang saya akan memulai ajaran tentang Dosa berbohong."
Pacar Atheis
Seorang ibu Katolik semula menolak keras anak gadisnya pacaran dengan > pria atheis.ia kuatir, anak semata wayangnya bakal keseret jadi atheis. > Ketika sang anak merajuk lagi supaya diijinkan melajutkan > hubungannya,sang ibu punya ide brilian : > Ibu : baiklah, kau boleh pacaran, asal bujuk dia masuk Katolik. Anak : kalau dia mau masuk Katolik ? Ibu : kamu boleh kawin dengannya.dan > ingat, jangan tangung-tanggung meyakinkan orang atheis ... > Begitu mendapat restu, si anak semangat mengajar gagasan Katolik pada sang pacar, si pria komunis memperhatikan rasa tertarik pada pacarnya, dan sang ibu makin yakin ide mengkatolikkan pria komunis itu bakal jadi kenyataan. > Suatu hari, menjelang hari H perkawinan mereka, si gadis pulang ke > rumah dengan mata berlinang : > Ibu : ada apa sayang? semua sudah oke, khan ? > Anak : bubar semua deh! gara-gara aku ajarkan katolik, sekarang dia malah memutuskan! jadi Pastur !*
Anggota Bala Tentara Allah
Suatu hari seorang teman saya datang ke gereja. Seperti biasa pendeta berdiri di depan pintu menyalami jemaatnya. > Ketika menyalami teman saya itu pendeta menariknya ke samping.
Pendeta itu berkata padanya, "Anda perlu bergabung pada Bala Tentara Allah."
Teman saya menjawab, "Tetapi saya sudah bergabung."
Pendeta itu bertanya, "Bagaimana bisa, saya melihat Anda di gereja hanya pada waktu Natal dan Paskah."
Teman saya berbisik, "Saya bekerja di dinas rahasianya pak."
Mukjizat
Seorang pendeta mengalami kesulitan untuk menerangkan arti kata > mujizat kepada sekelompok anak-anak sekolah minggu. > "Begini, anak-anak," kata pak pendeta, "Misalnya saya berdiri di > puncak gedung bertingkat sepuluh. Lalu saya kehilangan keseimbangan dan terjatuh. Tiba-tiba ada angin putting beliung dari bawah yang menahan saya, sehingga saya jatuh dengan perlahan di tanah. Nah, apakah kata yang paling tepat untuk menggambarkan kejadian itu?"
Agak lama juga anak-anak itu terdiam. Kemudian ada seorang yang > mengangkat tangan dan berkata, "Nasib?"
"Benar, benar," kata pak pendeta, "Nasib juga boleh. Tapi bukan kata itu yang saya harapkan. Baiklah, saya akan ulangi cerita ini. Saya berdiri di puncak gedung bertingkat sepuluh dan saya terjatuh. Tiba-tiba ada angin puting beliung dari bawah menahan saya, sehingga saya jatuh dengan perlahan di tanah. Pikirkan baik-baik. Apakah kata yang paling tepat untuk mengambarkan kejadian itu?" > "Kebetulan," seru seorang anak lagi.
"Bukan, bukan," teriak pak pendeta, "Untuk ketiga kalinya, coba dengar baik-baik. Saya berdiri di puncak gedung bertingkat sepuluh. Saya terjatuh. Kemudian tertahan oleh angin putting beliung yang bertiup dari bawah. Saya jatuh dengan selamat di tanah. Kata apa yang paling tepat untuk menggambarkan keadaan saya yang tiba di tanah dengan selamat itu?" > Lalu dengan serempak anak-anak berseru, "Latihan!"

Just in case....

Banyaknya pemalsuan di negara kita mengharuskan kita waspada. Di bawah ini
ada beberapa tips untuk mengetes keaslian uang rupiah dengan cara mudah.

# Cara tercepat dan efisien mengetes uang Rp 100.000
1. lipat menjadi 4 bagian secara memanjang.
2. tekan uang tersebut dengan tekanan secukupnya.
3. buka perlahan-lahan lipatan uang tsb.
4. bila kacamata Bung Hatta pecah berarti palsu; dan bila tidak, berarti
asli.

# Untuk uang Rp. 500
1. lipat menjadi 4 bagian secara memanjang.
2. tekan uang tersebut dengan tekanan secukupnya.
3. kalo orang utannya teriak-teriak berarti palsu; kalo tidak, berarti
asli.

# Untuk uang Rp. 5000
1. Ambil sisir rambut di rumah, kemudian gesekkan pada uang tersebut.
2. Apabila jenggot Imam Bonjol rontok berarti palsu. Apabila tambah panjang
berarti palsu juga!!

# Untuk ngetes palsu-tidaknya uang 20 dan 10 ribuan....
Cukup taruh di depan rumah. Kalo ilang berarti asli.

Ouuuchh

This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation, and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

---

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wake Watson up.

"Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."

Watson says, "I see millions of stars, and if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

Holmes replied: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!"

Corporate Lesson Number 1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

---

Corporate Lesson Number 2

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

---

Corporate Lesson Number 3

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

The morals of this story are:

1) Not everyone who drops crap on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep crap, keep your mouth shut

---

Corporate Lesson Number 4

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's
gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.

"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life."
Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says,"I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

---

Corporate Lesson Number 5

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says,"I'll give you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the 800 dollars he owes me?"

Moral of the Story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

---

Corporate Lesson Number 6

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg.

The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.

Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129.
It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the Story:

Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great
opportunity!

---

Corporate Lesson Number 7

Usually the staff of the company play football.
The middle level managers are more interested in Tennis.
The top management usually has a preference for Golf.

Moral of the Story:

As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size

DENDAM SANG PATUNG

Sepasang patung telanjang pria dan wanita, berdiri berhadap-hadapan
selama berpuluh-puluh tahun di sebuah taman, tanpa dapat melakukan apapun yang dikehendaki.

Suatu hari, lewatlah peri, dan merasa iba dengan kedua patung tersebut, yang hanya bisa berdiri dan saling pandang. Maka sang peripun menyihir mereka menjadi hidup dan mengijinkan mereka melakukan hal yang sangat mereka inginkan.

"Gimana?" tanya patung pria.
"Ayo kita lakukan," sahut patung wanita.
Mereka pun menghilang dibalik semak-semak, tak lama terdengarlah
suara gaduh dan suara tawa cekikikan, tetapi hal ini tidak berlangsung lama,saat kembali keluar dari semak, sang peri yang heran berkata, "Waktu kalian masih lama, manfaatkanlah waktu kalian, tak usah terburu-buru..."

"Asik, Masih boleh?"
Dengan gembira kembali mereka ke semak-semak. "Ayo kita lanjutin,"
kata patung pria, "sekarang gantian kau yang pegangin burung merpati
sialan itu, aku yang berakin kepalanya."

(True story of a broken-English case.)

When Douglas MacArthur was touring Japan after WWII, he was a possible candidate for the US presidential election.

Some of his enthusiastic supporters wanted to make him feel welcome, and keeping in mind that a Japanese 'r' and English 'l' sound quite a bit alike, think of the reaction when MacArthur saw the huge banner they had hung from the Dai Ichi building to greet him: In 6 foot long letters they had written 'We Pray for MacArthur's Erection!'

Part 1
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys - all on different
levels, some climbing up. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree
full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see
nothing but rear-ends.

Part 2
All the time, the monkeys on the top will get the fruits first, and most
of the time, they will eventually produce monkey plop for all the monkeys
below. And all the time, that's what the monkeys below will get.

Part 3
For those monkeys who are climbing up, they have to first kiss plenty
of monkey rear-ends in order to move up. How high they climb, will
have to depend on how good they kiss. And always if the one on top
will not kiss any monkey booty, his monkey booty will get KICKED!!!

Part 4
During times of great difficulties and hardship, the monkeys on the
top may fall a few branches down and hit the monkeys below.
The monkeys below will be fallen upon and eventually some will fall
off the tree, as in retrenched. As compensation
these monkeys that fell off get to keep the fruits that were shaken
off the tree during the commotion. The tree becomes lighter and
life slowly returns to normal.

And that my friends is what we call a corporate lifecycle!!

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you buy some Beer with it instead?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't gamble" the homeless man said. "I need everything I
can get just to stay alive."

"Will you spend the money on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."

The man replied, "Exactly! I want her to see what a man who's given up beer, gambling, and golf looks like!"

Ini dia, hasil dari eksperimen bertahun-tahun berhasil mengungkap maksud apa di balik tanggapan seorang cewek saat ada yang menyatakan cinta. Ini asli 100% tokcer, jadi kalo kamu ada yang ngalamin seperti salah satu di bawah ini, jangan putus asa, selalu ada jalan. Jadi cowok memang harus optimis bo...

----------------------------------------------------------------
Roni : Aku suka sama kamu, Rin... Aku pengin kamu jadi pacarku.
Rina : (Malu-malu) Aku juga suka sama kamu, Ron.

Artinya - Jelas si Rina suka sama si Roni, sampe ngomong terus terang gitu.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Hendro : Nov, Aku bener-bener suka sama kamu. Aku pengin kita bisa jalan bareng.
Novi : Kayaknya kita lebih baik temenan aja, deh. Kita kan udah lama temenan.

Artinya - Novi pun sebenarnya suka sama si Hendro.
Status "teman" hanya buat alasan aja buat si Novi biar bisa deket terus sama si Hendro.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Andri : Aku ngerasa cocok jalan sama kamu. Mau gak jadi pacarku, Wen?
Wenny : Jangan sekarang deh ...Aku pengin konsentrasi studiku dulu

Artinya - Wenny suka sama si Andri, jawaban yang nggantung dan ngambang kayak gitu maksudnya biar Andri penasaran dan tetep "stay around" si Wenny.
Dengan gitu kan mereka bisa tetep deket. Andaikan si Wenny nggak suka, pasti ngomong terus terang sama Andri.

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Roy : Kamu cakep deh, Lia... Aku pengen pacaran sama kamu...
Lia : Terus terang ya, Roy , aku nggak suka sama kamu. Aku benci sama kamu. Kamu egois, kamu bau, kamu urakan, kamu cowok males! Pokoknya aku benciii sama kamu!!!

Artinya - Perhatian Lia gede sama Roy. Lia tau semua sifat-sifat Roy, sampe baunya segala. Nggak banyak cewek yang perhatian kayak gitu. Dan sangat mungkin itu artinya Lia aslinya suka sama Roy.

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Indra : Aku udah lama merhatiin kamu, Yen... Aku suka en sayang banget sama kamu...
Yenni : (Tertawa lepas) Haa... ha... huahaaa... ha... Lucu kamu, 'Ndra!

Artinya - Betapa gembiranya Yenni mendengar ucapan Indra. Ekspresi tawa bahagia tiada tara. Jelas banget si Yenni suka sama sama si Indra, sampe dibilang kalo Indra lucu segala.

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Yanto : Ria, mau nggak jadi pacarku?
Ria : Plak!! Plak!! (Ria "menyentuh" pipi si Yanto)

Artinya - Yanto spesial buat Ria. "Sentuhan" tangan Ria ke pipi Yanto (sampe 2 kali bahkan, ninggalin bekas merah lagi) adalah sentuhan yang nggak semua cowok bisa ngerasain. Peluang besar buat Yanto bahwa Ria suka sama dia.

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Bimo : Win, Wina... Aku suka banget sama kamu. Pacaran yuk...
Wina : Jancuk!! Aku iki lanang, Mo! Aku koncomu,WinaRNO!!! Eling, Mo, eling. Aku WinaRNO !!
(terjemahan : Sialan!! Saya ini cowok, Mo! Aku temenmu, WinaRNO!!! Sadar, Mo, sadar... Aku WinaRNO!!

Artinya - Wina seneng sama Bimo. Masa' sampe ngaku-ngaku cowok segala. Ngotot lagi! Wina ngaku cowok kan biar selalu bisa santai dan deket sama Bimo.

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Jadi... jawaban apapun yang nantinya diberikan sama si cewek, peluang selalu ada dan gak pernah ketutup. So, tetap semangat Keep On Fightin' 'till The End!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey_sephia menulis:
jangan putus asa, selalu ada jalan. Jadi cowok memang harus optimis bo...

wahaha... lucu juga, bagi cewe harus cari kata2 yang jelas artinya nolak dong... abis kalo bener23 mo nolak gimana... bagi cowo harus jia you, tapi kalo kebanyakan you-nya ntar kebakaran lo

jia you (加油) --- 油=minyak

Buat yg cewe:

Pria memang susah untuk dibuat bahagia

Jika kamu memperlakukannya dengan baik,
dia pikir kamu jatuh cinta kepadanya.
Jika tidak, kamu akan dibilang sombong.

Jika kamu berpakaian bagus,
dia pikir kamu sedang mencoba untuk menggodanya,
jika tidak dia bilang kamu kampungan.

kamu berdebat dengannya,
dia bilang kamu keras kepala,
jika kamu tetap diam, dia bilang kamu nggak punya otak.

Jika kamu lebih pintar dari pada dia,
dia akan kehilangan muka,
jika dia yang lebih pintar, dia hebat.

Jika kamu tidak cinta padanya,
dia akan mencoba mendapatkanmu,
jika kamu mencintainya,
dia akan mencoba untuk meninggalkanmu.

Jika kamu beritahu dia masalah mu,
ia bilang kamu menyusahkan.
Jika tidak, dia bilang kamu tidak mempercayai mereka.

Jika kamu cerewet pada dia,
kamu seperti seorang pengasuh baginya,
tapi jika dia yang cerewet pada kamu,
itu karena dia perhatian.

Jika kamu langgar janji kamu,
kamu tidak bisa dipercaya,
jika dia yang ingkari janjinya,
dia melakukannya karena terpaksa.

Jika kamu merokok, kamu adalah cewek liar,
kalau dia yang merokok , dia adalah seorang gentleman.

Jika kamu menyakitinya, kamu sangat kejam,
tapi kalau dia yang menyakitimu,
itu karena kamu terlalu sensitif dan terlalu sulit untuk dibuat
bahagia!!!!!

Jika kamu mengirimkan ini pada cowok-cowok,
mereka pasti bersumpah kalau ini tidak benar,
tapi jika kamu tidak mengirimkan ini pada mereka,
mereka akan bilang kamu egois.

Buat yg cowo:

Wanita memang suka bikin masalah

Jika kamu sungguh2 ingin berteman lebih dekat ama dia, dia kira kamu agresif amat ngejarnya,
kalo tidak, dia bilang kamu sok cool padahal jelek.

Jika kamu banyak teman wanita, dia bilang kamu playboy,
jika temenmu lelaki semua, apalagi yang ganteng2 dia malah seneng, nah loh gawat.

Jika kamu berdebat dengannya, nyata2 kita bener koq buntut2nya cowo selalu mesti ngalah,
jika tidak kita tidak gentleman katanya, wong aneh.

Jika kamu banyak mengomentari dia demi kebaikan dia,
dia bilang kamu rewel kaya cewe aja, dia bilang "nyokap gua aja nga serewel eloe",
jika kamu diam, kamu ngga punya pendirian.

Jika kamu beritahu dia semua masalah kamu,
dia bilang koq kamu cengeng amat sih,
jika tidak dia nanya melulu sampe kamu ngomong, serba salah.

Jika kamu merokok kamu bisa impoten katanya,
jika dia merokok coba aja kamu bilang dia bisa mandul, gua jamin kamu ditempeleng.

Jika kamu bilang kamu nga ngerti, dia bilang kamu nga pengertian,
jika kamu bilang ngerti2 sampe mangut2, dia bilang "kamu sok tau aja", kasian deh loe???

Jika dia mendadak diam membisu, kamu harus bisa mengerti apa maunya,
jika kamu tidak tau apa maunya, dia bilang "kita nga cocok", eh emangnya kita bisa telepati kale????

Jika kamu sensitive, dia bilang kamu lembek,
jika kamu ngga show perasaan, dia bilang kamu garing, pilih sono, kemana2 jadi kue.

Jika kamu sungguh2 menginginkan dia, dia akan naik harga jadi jualnya mahal amat,
jika kamu sudah minta ampun, bangkrut dan give up, dia bilang kamu nga benar2 menginginkan dia.

Jika kamu menyakitinya, kamu sangat kejam,
tapi kalau dia yang menyakitimu, itu karena kamu terlalu posesif dan terlalu sulit untuk dibuat bahagia, mirip khan???

Jika kamu mengirimkan ini pada cewek-cewek,
mereka juga pasti bikin alasan2 aneh untuk menjelaskan bahwa saya salah (kalo tidak percaya lihatlah cewek2 yg membaca ini
disekelilingmu sekarang juga cepat!!!), tapi jika kamu tidak mengirimkan ini pada mereka, mereka akan tertawa terkekeh kekeh mengira mereka selalu benar.

gue bales nih :

Jika kau menciumnya, kau bukan gentleman
Jika kau tidak menciumnya, kau bukan lelaki
Jika kau memujinya, ia akan mengira kau ngegombal
Jika kau tidak memujinya, kau adalah lelaki tak berguna
Jika kau setuju semua keinginannya, dia akan ngelonjak
Jika kau tidak setuju, kau tidak pengertian

Jika kau bercinta dengannya, kau dicurigai "sudah ahli"
Jika kau tidak bercinta dengannya, kau bukan lelaki
Jika kau kunjungi dia sering-sering, dia pikir kau membosankan
Jika tidak kau kunjungi sering sering, dia menuduhmu main sama orang lain

Jika kau berpakaian rapi, dia bilang kau menarik perhatian wanita lain
Jika kau tidak berpakaian rapi, dia bilang kau berantakan
Jika kau cemburu, dia bilang kau jahat
Jika kau tidak cemburu, dia bilang kau tidak cinta padanya
Jika kau ingin bercinta, dia kata kau tidak menghormatinya
Jika kau tidak ingin bercinta, dia pikir kau tidak suka padanya

Jika kau telat satu menit, dia akan marah marah
Jika dia telat satu jam, dia bilang itu memang harusnya seorang wanita
Jika kau mengunjungi wanita lain, dia akan menuduh kau punya wanita lain
Jika dia dikunjungi lelaki lain, "Oh! Sudah biasa, kami wanita!"

Jika kau menciumnya sebentar, dia tuduh kau orangnya dingin
Jika kau menciumnya lama, dia teriak bahwa kau kurang ajar
Jika kau gagal membantu dia menyeberang jalan, kau kurang etika
Jika kau berhasil membantunya menyeberang jalan, dia anggap itu taktik lelaki
Jika kau menatap wanita lain, dia tuduh kau buaya
Jika dia ditatap lelaki lain, dia berkata bahwa mereka mengaguminya

Jika kau membiayai hidupnya, dia pikir kau meremehkannya
Jika kau tidak membiayai hidupnya, dia pikir kau pelit
Jika kau bercinta dengan wanita lain, dia minta putus
Jika dia bercinta dengan lelaki lain, "Bukan salah aku ! Dia yang memaksa"
Jika kau berhasrat bercinta dengannya, dia anggap hanya itu yang kau inginkan
Jika kau tidak berhasrat bercinta dengannya, dia anggap kau jual mahal
Jika kau bicara, dia ingin kau sendiri mendengar yang kau bicarakan
Jika kau mendengar, dia ingin kau yang bicara

Jika saat bercinta dia diam saja,dia minta dicumbu
Jika saat bercinta kau diam saja, dia juga diam saja
Jika dia menangis, kau salah telah membuatnya menangis
Jika kau menangis, dia pergi darimu karena kau bukan lelaki sejati

A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation,
aggravation, and frustration.

His father picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the
phone is answered, he asks, "Can I speak to Alf, please?"

"No! There's no one called Alf here," says the person who answered the
phone.

His father hangs up. "That's irritation," he says.

He picks up the phone again, dials the same number, and asks for Alf a
second time. "No-there's no one here called Alf. Go away. If you
call again I shall telephone the police," the person says.

His father hangs up and says, "That's aggravation."

"Then what's frustration?" asks his son. The father picks up the
phone and dials the same number a third time.

"Hello, this is Alf. Have I received any phone calls?" he asks
casually.

Mother Superior: "Sister Maria, if you walk through town at night and you're accosted by a man with bad intentions, what would you do?"
Sister Maria: "I would lift my dress"
Mother Superior: (shocked) "And what would you do next?"
Sister Maria: "I would tell him to drop his pants"
Mother Superior: (even more shocked) "And what then?"
Sister Maria: "I would run away, I can run much faster with my dress up than he with his pants down"
************************************************************
"Mum, can I ask you something?"
"Sure! What about?"
"You see, I'm already fourteen and... I think it's just proper that I should own one?"
"And what is this one you're referring to?"
"Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?"
"No."
"But my nipples are already prominent and it catches attention?"
"Nope."
"It will be just proper at my age."
"I said no way...!"
"But all of my friends wears.......!?"
"David! How many times must I tell you that bras are for girls!??"
************************************************************

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.

The Brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all the body's responses and functions."

The Feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the Brain about and get him to where he wants to go".

The Hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the Heart, the Lungs and the Eyes until finally the A**hole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the A**hole being the Boss. So, the A**hole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the Eyes became crossed, the Hands clenched, the Feet twitched, the Heart and Lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that the A**hole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the sh*t!

The moral of the story?
You don't need Brains to be a Boss - any A**hole can do it !!!