CONFESSION:
There once was a religious young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."

The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times"

The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

"No, but it will take that smile off your face!"

BEAUTIFUL:
A man was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful.", then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side.

A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're Cute!"
The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful" it was now cute.
She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off!"