Ngga tahu udah pernah dapat atau belum, anyway..

There was a man who worked and worked and saved all his money. Never
spending any of it, just saving it. He loved money. He was a miser
and he worshipped his cash.

For years he kept telling his wife, "when I die, I want you to put
my money in the casket with me; I want to have it for the afterlife."
The years passed and he kept idolizing his money and telling his wife to
put the money in the casket with him. He even got a bible out and made
his wife swear on the bible that she would put the money in his casket
with him. "Do you promise to put my money in the casket with me when I
die?... do you PROMISE?"

"Yes", the wife replied, "I promise to put all your money in your casket
with you."

One day the man died and at the funeral the wife sat holding a gift
wrapped box. She was sitting with her closest friend and quietly crying.

Just as the funeral director got ready to close the casket the wife
jumped up and said, "WAIT, I have something to put in the casket with
him."

Then she gently placed the box in the casket.

When she returned to her seat her friend asked, "what did you put in the
casket?"

The wife answered, "he made me promise that I would put all his money in
the casket with him when he died, so that he could have it in the
afterlife."

The friend was astonished and said, "I KNOW you didn't do that!"

The wife looked at her friend and said, "Well, you know I'm a religious
woman and I could not lie to him... so I did as I promised."

Her friend said, "Girl, you are crazy! I can't believe you put all
the money in the casket with him!!"

The wife quietly dabbed the tears from her eyes and said.... "I'm
religious but not a damn fool...... I wrote him a check!!!"

****
(below is not meant to discriminate, just enjoy the joke)

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room,
there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and
tells the truth, one is granted a wish.
However, if one tells a lie, *POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by
the mirror, never to be seen again.

A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands
before the mirror and says, "I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the
world."
*POOF* The mirror swallows her.

Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think
I think I’m the sexiest woman alive!"
*POOF* The mirror swallows her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror
and says, "I think..." *POOF*

****

Constipated

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm
constipated."

The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the
table."

The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on
the ass with a baseball bat, CRACK... and then sends him into the
bathroom.

He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What
should I do to prevent constipation ?"

The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."

****

Wobbly

My Doctor recently had a patient drop in on him for an unscheduled
appointment. What can I do for you today, the Doctor asked?

The aged Gentleman replied: Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make
love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly
catch my breath....Doctor I’m scared !!!

The Doctor, looking at his 86 year old patient, said : Mr. Smith, these
sensations tend to happen over time, especially to a man of your
advanced years, but tell me, when did you first notice these symptoms?

His response was: Well... three times last night, and twice again this
morning!