Ok the reason I put this thread on ecumenical, because all the sources and articles I have are all in english. If I tried to translate it to indo, it will lose all the points ,wit and satire.

I've never like self-help books (especially about relationship), they just don't interest me and i simply refuse to get help from some authors who don't even know me. Anyway I stumbled upon a few articles about relationship, which I found quite hilarious. let me share.

5 Evil Ways to Dump A Lover
By Laura Snyder

We've all had our hearts broken by at least one bloke or babe who did it in the most inconceivably evil way. Do you recognize any of these dastardly dumpers?

The Disappearing Act
This classic break-up technique is simple: just disappear off the face of the earth. They don't call, they don't write, they don't show up for dates . You suddenly find yourself in a very one-sided relationship with an answering machine. Is an explanation too much to ask?

The Stealth Bomber
You sure didn't see this one coming. One minute you were a cozy twosome, planning shared vacations and romantic interludes. Next thing you knew, it was all over. Why some people seem to think it's more polite to pretend nothing's wrong when they're seething with resentment is beyond us.

The Saboteur
Guys in particular seem to love this passive-aggressive style of breaking up. Instead of just sucking it up and sending their sweetheart packing, they prefer to poison the relationship slowly - keeping their distance, pushing your buttons - until you finally give up and dumps them. It's sneaky how they do the dirty work and still manage to win all the sympathy.

The Email Evader
What kind of lazy - and cruel - person taps out a "Dear John" letter and clicks send? Or leaves a "it's not you it's me" voicemail on your cellphone. Any form of communication that's not face to face is subject to mega misinterpretation and is pretty unreliable. Not to mention just plain mean.

The Mixed Message Man (or Woman)
Give 'em a little credit for at least trying to be kind. But while they're trying to spare your feelings, they end up heaping on the flattery and sweet gestures that sound like they there's still a little hope left. Maybe they're hoping to keep us dangling just in case they change their mind. Or maybe they're just genuinely sorry about breaking our hearts. Either way, we'd rather they just put an end to it and let us move on.

Well I have to admit that I am more the last one, I hate to break up with someone. I rather be the 'dumpee' and the dumper. and if possible I rather move to different county or city so I can use the long distance things to end a relationship, whicch is very pathetic I know...

Will post more, when I get some reply, hopefully...

sorcy,

very handy tips... ... hillarious!!!! post more :rockon:

Stealth Bomber

Hmm I know three of them but not the Saboteur one. Okay let me add one. Or two.

Supreme Court Dismissal
Using their parents' disapproval as an excuse. 'I like you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want to be with you always. But my parents don't want us to be together. Please don't force me to choose between you and my parents.'

Forever Young
Okay this not a break up but a refusal. 'My parent's dont like me having boy/girlfriend yet. They say I'm too young. Let's be friend for now.' The next thing you know s/he is with someone.

supreme court dismissal? is this speaking from your own experience?

Ok next one is from a satire of woman’s self-help book by Karen Salmansohn, called Unavailable. Salmansohn had devised 15 principles that explore the relationship between women and desirability, which were an expansion of the theory that desirability is heightened through unavailability. Haven't read the book myself, these just the articles I found while I was looking through other books. but quite hysterical lol.

Principle 3
Never. never (ever) call the man. The more challenging you are to catch, the greater the pride he’ll take in catching you. Remember, a man’s primal instinct is to hunt; he enjoys the thrill of the kill. You’ll be glad you resisted, and so will he. It’s an opportunity to tap into his primal hunting urge.

Principle 4
Women take longer than men to get ready for parties. Men take longer to get ready for relationships. Neither like to be rushed. Don’t be in a hurry to unpacck your emotional baggage. Always travel light int a relationship.

Principle 7
Never say ‘yes’ to a date request without:
1. A notable pause
2. An audible flip through your calendar
3. 24-hour lead time

Principle 8
Consider dating someone with whom you don’t share a native language. The less vocabulary you share the more you can remain a mysterious alluring babe (and the less you’ll be able to piss each other off) (hehehe I like this one)

Principle 12
As an unavailable woman you are different from the typical woman that John Gray describes as being from the planet Venus. You are uniquely from the more distant unexplored planet, Mercury. Your culture promotes the Mercurial Seduction Dance:

1. One step forward (Hey Sailor, I’m available)
2. A half step backward (Then again, maybe not) Mmmmm....mixed messages. They drive men crazy with desire.

Principle 14
When in doubt about how much and what to say, always keep in mind: it’s wa(aaaa)y more important to be aloof than alert unfortunately, although many men claim they want a woman who’s smart and funny, what they truly want is a woman who’s smart and funny - as long as she’s not more smart and funny than themselves.

Azalae menulis:
Forever Young
Okay this not a break up but a refusal. 'My parent's dont like me having boy/girlfriend yet. They say I'm too young. Let's be friend for now.' The next thing you know s/he is with someone.

Jojon menulis:

Azalae menulis:
Forever Young
Okay this not a break up but a refusal. 'My parent's dont like me having boy/girlfriend yet. They say I'm too young. Let's be friend for now.' The next thing you know s/he is with someone.

I think it's a polite way to say that you're too old for her
Kidding lor

sorcy menulis:
Principle 3
Never. never (ever) call the man. The more challenging you are to catch, the greater the pride he’ll take in catching you. Remember, a man’s primal instinct is to hunt; he enjoys the thrill of the kill. You’ll be glad you resisted, and so will he. It’s an opportunity to tap into his primal hunting urge.

sorcy menulis:
Principle 8
Consider dating someone with whom you don’t share a native language. The less vocabulary you share the more you can remain a mysterious alluring babe (and the less you’ll be able to piss each other off) (hehehe I like this one)

yah yah... have you read a book called 'the rule'? it is quite a rage several years ago. in brief, the woman should act as if the man is a dumb creature that will withdraw once you open up. hence, all the tactics to appear mysterious, busy, occupied, uninterst etc.

Barbara de Angelis then made a book called the Real Rules, with the underlying message that a good man is the one that can accept you just the way you are. So, if you are interested, show it. If you wanna hear his voice, call him. It does not hurt. ^_^

Frankly, I like this principle much much more.

And oh, Barbara also said that only a man that'snot worth it will fall prey to the trap of 'the rules'. Opening up yourself is actually a 'screener' to select which man is good etc.

Dunno, but I myself have preferences towards Indonesian man, coz kl gue mo neriakin, mrk lebih cuneng hehhehehe..

Cuneng apaan yah floo ?

Pendekatan ada rulesnya yah. Wuahh me ketinggal jaman kalo gitu. Rules of Engagement (pun intended) hehehe.

Sorcy, Here is one to add to your list :

Post-It Break-Up Notes

I saw this on Sex and The City Episode

Cuneng kl ga salah plesetan tuning deh (ga cuneng = ga nyambung).

Wah, kosakata gue udah perlu diupdate ya! Maap, Kang!!

BTW tau ga, gue baca survey ktnya banyak (lupa, but diatas 50%) cowo mutusin cewe pake SMS!!!!!!!!!!!! Gila!!!!!

Post-it Break up notes? that's just plain cruel...

Ok How about some pick up lines? Some are funny, some are sappy and the rest are just simply corny...

• Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

• What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?

• Girl, you must have a license to drive me that crazy!!
 
• Are you from Tennessee? ’Cause you’re the only ten-I-see. ( cheeky)

• My last name is "Visa," because I’m everywhere you want to be!

• My friend wants to know if you think I’m cute.

• I’ve seen you at the grocery store, baby; you’re always in the same isles as the sugar, ’cause you’re so sweet.

• I only thought about you once today--I just never stopped.

• Baby, you remind me of a parking ticket because you have "fine" written all over your face.
 
• Out of all the fish in the sea, you’re the one I got hooked on.
 
• You must have been a Girl Scout because you have my heart all tied up in knots.

• Hey, did you fart? Because you blew me away! (like this one )

• Drop the zero and get with a hero, baby.
 
• Do you have a map? I’m lost in your eyes.
 
• Baby, you make me melt like an M & M in your mouth.

• If you put 11 roses in your arms and looked in the mirror, you would see the twelve most beautiful things in the world. ( sappy!)

• OK, I’m here, what’s your next wish?
 
• You’re so sweet, you give me a toothache.

• Hi, my name’s Doug. That’s "God" spelled backwards with a little bit of "u" in it. ( kinda cool)

• Your father must be a weapons specialist because you are the bomb!

• I am not Fred Flinstones, but I make your bed rock.

Those pick lines are too Corny. I actually haven't seen guys who will use those pick lines, but it is just too CORNY.

Whoever uses it, I really have to say "Do you really have gutts to say those words?"

But it is really fun to read.

Things that I use for break up.
"Sorry, You are not meant for me"
Ok.. after all, I am a cold Nenek. :alcoholic:

Hi nenek! I thought caucasian guys will more likely to say those kind of pickup lines

Anyway this one for the guys:

Run Fast! Women to Avoid Dating
By Laura Snyder

Sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but that doesn't mean you have to try every species. While you're entitled to your own taste, there are some varieties of girls that you just don't want sitting across the table from you on your first date.

If you hook one of these gals next time you're casting lines, better cut bait and dip your net in saner waters.

The Princess
Should you chance an encounter with her majesty, expect a long delay while she repairs that chipped nail polish and applies her second coat of makeup. Once you make it out of her castle, be prepared to explain why you're not dressed up enough, why your car isn't fancy enough, and why you're taking her to a second-rate restaurant. The only way to live happily ever after is to tell her highness to hit the highway.

The Shadow
If you can't escape to the bathroom without your date demanding to know where you're going and when you'll be back -- and then waiting for you outside the door anyway -- you're dating A Shadow. She's the girl who wants to spend every waking hour together and, when you can't, she'll ask you about a hundred times if you still love her. Dump this too-dependent dame.

The Mother Hen
Five minutes into your date and she's already straightened your tie, corrected your pronunciation, and licked a stray hair into place? Must be a Mother Hen. Her intentions might be good - and who's to say you don't actually need a little helping? - but can you really imagine taking her to bed with you? Not tonight, dear.

The Debate Queen
Think you know all about this one? Well, you're wrong. In fact, with her, you're always wrong. And she's happy to remind you of all the times you were wrong before, even if they have nothing to do with your current argument. Before she launches you on yet another guilt trip, send her packing.

Are these considered as pickup lines ?

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet,
and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife;
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Ini yang ngomong suaminya temenku neh:

'when a man get a beautiful wife, he'll be happy for 3 or 5 years when he get a smart wife, he'll be happy forever'

tp kalau menurutku yah:
'when a man get a beautiful wife, he'll be happy for 3 or 5 years when he get a wise wife, he'll be happy forever'

smart tdk sama dengan wise. dan wisdom is better than just brain and knowledge.

Here is my huble opinion
'when a man get a beautiful wife, he'll be happy for 3 or 5 years
when he get a smart wife, he'll lost his soul forever
when he get a wise wife, the wife will leave him in 3 or 5 years'

I agree there is a different between smart and wise

Woa.

Since we have world population explosion, that means most women don't leave their husbands. Which in turn means....