This is said to be a true account of what was heard on a recent flight from Shenzhen to Qingdao:

" Good afternoon, Ladies and the German. This is your cheap purser Wang Lui speaking. On behalf of China Sudden Airlines, I would like to welcome you on board our Bowling 737 from Shenzhen to
Qingdao. Members of my crew speak Chinese and other languages that you do not know. It is a great pressure serving you to-die. Should you need any resistance during the fright, peace do pest the
call button. I and my gals are available to make you feel comfortable. Meanwhile, the airkwaft is going to fry. Peace sit upright and keep you belt tightly fastened until dinner is served at five
dirty p.m. Hope you would enjoy your fright with us. Funk kill ! "

pasti pilotnya jojon.

itu beneran??? busyettt dahhh...parah banget, bukannya welcome sama penumpang malah bikin takut penumpang aja

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.....

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.

"It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.

"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly,"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

7 reasons not to mess with children.
>A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
>The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a
>human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very
>small.
>The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
>Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human;
>it was physically impossible.
>The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
>The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
>The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
>
>
>A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
>were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
>As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what
>the drawing was.
>The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
>The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
>Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
>"They will in a minute."
>
>
>A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
>and six year olds.
>After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she
>asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers
>and sisters?"
>Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
>"Thou shall not kill."
>
>
>One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at
>the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands
>of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
>She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your
>hairs white, Mom?"
>Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make
>me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
>The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
>"Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
>
>
>The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
>persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
>"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
>say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a
>doctor.'
>A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher,
>she's dead."
>
>
>A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
>make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
>blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
>"Yes," the class said.
>"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position
>the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
>A little fellow shouted,
>"Cause your feet ain't empty."
>
>
>The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school
>for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun
>made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
>"Take only ONE . God is watching."
>Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
>large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
>A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the
>apples."

Kejadian seram di Parang Tritis Jogja

Karena asik memotret suasana sunset dan mengeksplorasi wilayah yang baru pertama kali dia kunjungi, seorang travel photografer baru menyadari bahwa dia sudah tersesat dan ditinggal oleh rombongannya. tanpa disangka-sangka, hujan deras sekali .

Spontan fotografer itu bete abis... udah tersesat, gelap, ujan pula... Tapi akhirnya timbul harapan... Di ujung jalan dia melihat lampu mobil perlahan-lahanmende kat. Tidak mau kehilangan kesempatan, dia melambaikan tangannya untuk meminta tumpangan. Ketika mobil tersebut mendekat, tanpa mau membuang waktu, sang fotografer langsung naik ke mobil,duduk dan kaget!!! Karena dia baru menyadari bahwa mobil tersebut tidak ada yang
mengemudikan. Tapi daripada sendiri di tempat asing, meskipun ketakutan sang fotografer tersebut tetap bertahan berada di dalammobil sambil berdoa karena ciut nyalinya.

Dalam perjalanan di dalam mobil yang berjalan dengan pelan sekali, ketika mobil sepertinya akan menabrak pohon atau jatuh ke jurang, tiba-tiba muncul sebuah tangan dan mengendalikan setir agar mobil tidak menabrak atau jatuh. Hal tersebut terus terjadi berulang kali. Akhirnya, ketika mobil mendekati sebuah warung kopi, fotografer tersebut buru2 turun dan memesan secangkir kopi.

Sambil menggigil dan menangis terisak-isak, fotografer tersebut menceritakan kejadian seram yang baru saja dia alami. Setelah selesai bercerita, fotografer tersebut akhirnya pingsan kelelahan dan juga karena menahan rasa takut.

Mendadak, dua orang berpakaian kotor dan basah kuyup masuk ke dalam warung kopi dan melihat sang fotograferyang sedang pingsan, salah satu dari mereka berkata..., "ITU DIA SI SONTOLOYO YANG NUMPANG DI MOBIL YANG LAGI KITA DORONG!"

Beda Pelaku Beda Makna

Beda Istilah

Bila boss tetap pada pendapatnya, itu berarti beliau konsisten.
Bila staff tetap pada pendapatnya, itu berarti dia keras kepala!

Bila boss berubah-ubah pendapat, itu berarti beliau fleksibel.
Bila staff berubah-ubah pendapat, itu berarti dia plin-plan!

Bila boss bekerja lambat, itu berarti beliau teliti.
Bila staff bekerja lambat, itu berarti dia tidak 'perform'!

Bila boss bekerja cepat, itu berarti beliau 'smart'.
Bila staff bekerja cepat, itu berarti dia terburu-buru!

Bila boss lambat memutuskan, itu berarti beliau hati-hati.
Bila staff lambat memutuskan, itu berarti dia 'telmi'!

Bila boss mengambil keputusan cepat, itu berarti beliau berani mengambil keputusan.
Bila staff mengambil keputusan cepat, itu berarti dia gegabah!

Bila boss terlalu berani ambil resiko, itu berarti beliau risk-taking.
Bila staff terlalu berani ambil resiko, itu berarti dia sembrono!

Bila boss tidak berani ambil resiko, itu berarti beliau 'prudent'.
Bila staff tidak berani ambil resiko, itu berarti dia tidak berjiwa bisnis!

Bila boss mem-by pass prosedur, itu berarti beliau proaktif-inovatif.
Bila staff mem-by-pass prosedur, itu berarti dia melanggar aturan!

Bila boss curiga terhadap mitra bisnis, itu berarti beliau waspada.
Bila staff curiga terhadap mitra bisnis, itu berarti dia negative thinking!

Bila boss menyatakan : " Sulit " itu berarti beliau prediktif-antisipat if.
Bila staff menyatakan : " Sulit " itu berarti dia pesimistik!

Bila boss menyatakan : " Mudah " itu berarti beliau optimis.
Bila staff menyatakan : " Mudah " itu berarti dia meremehkan masalah!

Bila boss sering keluar kantor, itu berarti beliau rajin ke customer
Bila staff sering keluar kantor, itu berarti dia sering kelayapan !

Bila boss sering entertainment, itu berarti beliau rajin melobi customer.
Bila staff sering entertainment, itu berarti dia menghamburkan anggaran !

Bila boss tidak pernah entertainment, itu berarti beliau berhemat.
Bila staff tidak pernah entertainment, itu berarti dia tidak bisa me-lobby customer !

Bila boss sering tidak masuk, itu berarti beliau kecapaian karena kerja keras.
Bila staff sering tidak masuk, itu berarti dia pemalas !

Bila boss minta fasilitas, itu berarti beliau menjaga citra perusahaan.
Bila staff minta fasilitas, itu berarti dia banyak menuntut !

Bila boss membuat tulisan seperti ini, itu berarti beliau humoris.
Bila staff membuat tulisan seperti ini, itu berarti dia :
* frustrasi
* iri terhadap karir orang lain
* negative thinking
* memprovokasi
* tidak tahan banting
* barisan sakit hati
* berpolitik di kantor
* tidak produktif
* tidak sesuai dengan budaya yang ada

Ternyata ada yang lebih parah dari Miss indonesia yang bilang Indonesia is a beautiful city.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

ALl i can say is.. God is fair..

You can't be so perfect in life. This is the case of an airhead beauty. She totally matched the question. Americans can't locate USA on the world map. This is umm.. such as... average IQ in that .. such as.. country because their educations... um... don't have maps.

she's still cute though

§ Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

§ Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

§ Always dump at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.

§ Weight watchers; Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying it in the first place.

§ Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The morning after, you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

§ Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it - before getting in.

§ Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

§ Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.

§ An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

§ Olympic athletes; Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by running a bit slower.

§ Smokers; Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag from the butt of your last one.

§ Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how Tofu, Quorn and other meat substitutes 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the difference.

§ Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Since you would no doubt have been made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.

§ High blood pressure sufferers; Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

§ Heavy smokers; Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your roof.

§ Nissan drivers; Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so it may as well look like one.

§ A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

§ Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

§ Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know

§ If someone is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour boiling water down his/her throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

An elderly Essex Lady called 999 to report that her car has been broken into.
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the Operator:
"They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The Operator said, "Stay calm. A Police car is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says.
"She got in the back-seat by mistake."
FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood."
She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door"

"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three pensioners, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." and the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
SUPERSEX
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex.."
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
ROMANCE
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the Motorway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Geoffrey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M1. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Geoffrey "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The lights were red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.
She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.
So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"

A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now you probably won't remember, but I'm afraid you were in a pile-up on the motorway.'
'You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything seems to be OK, but there is a bit of bad news and I'm going to break it to you as gently as I can. Your Willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'

The bloke groans a bit (as you do) but the doctor goes on, 'We've checked your insurance and you've actually got 9,000 compensation coming to you and the good news is that we have the technology now to build you a new Willy that will work just as well as your old one, better in fact.
But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It is one thousand pounds an inch.'

The bloke perks up a bit at this (as you would.)
'So it's a simple decision,' the doctor says, "you need to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife.
I mean, if you had a five inch Willy before and you decide to go for a nine Willy now, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine incher before and you decide only to invest in a five incher now, she might be a bit disappointed.

So it's important that you consult with her to help you make the decision.'

So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day.
'So' he says, 'have you spoken with your wife?'
'I have.' says the chap.
'And has she helped you to make the decision?'
'Yes, she has' he says.

'And what is the decision?' asks the doctor.

'We're having a new kitchen.'

One night a guy took his girlfriend home. As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood.

With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?"

Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her.

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".

"Oh yes you can. Please?".... ......... ......

"No, no. I just can't"

"I'm begging you .. "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and the girl's older sister showed up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she said, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours....TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL!!"

why men shouldn't babysit.

Wakidjan begitu terpesonanya dengan permainan piano Nadine.
Sambil bertepuk tangan, ia berteriak, "Not a play! Not a play!" Nadine bengong. "Not a play?"
"Yes. Not a play. Bukan main."
Tukidjo yang menemani Wakidjan terperangah.
"Bukan main itu bukan not a play, Djan." "Your granny (Mbahmu). Humanly I have check my dictionary kok. (Orang saya sudah periksa di kamus kok)"
Lalu berpaling ke Nadine. "Lady, let's corner (Mojok yuk).
But don't think that are nots (Jangan berpikir yang bukan-bukan). I just want a meal together."
"Ngaco kamu, Djan," Tukidjo tambah gemes.
"Don't be surplus (Jangan berlebihan), Djo. Be wrong a little is OK toch?"
Nadine cuman senyum kecil. "I would love to, but ..."
"Sorry if my friend make you not delicious (Maaf kalau teman saya bikin kamu jadi nggak enak)" sambut Wakidjan ramah.
"Different river, maybe (Lain kali barangkali). I will not be various kok (Saya nggak akan macam-macam kok)."
Setelah Nadine pergi, Wakidjan menatap Tukidjo dengan sebal. "Disturbing aja sih, Djo. Does the language belong to your ancestor (Emang itu bahasa punya moyang lu)?"
Tukidjo cari kalimat penutup. "Just itchy Djan, because you speak English as delicious as your belly button." (Gatel aja, Djan, soalnya kamu ngomong Inggris seenak udelmu dewe).
Wakidjan cuman bisa merutuk dalam hati, "His name is also effort." (Namanya juga usaha)
wakakakaka.....(ga ono terjemahane…hahahaha..- thing river - barang kali.)

Pertanyaan Wawancara Kerja: Apa yang Paling Cepat

Seorang manager HRD sedang menyaring pelamar untuk satu lowongan di
kantornya. Setelah membaca seluruh berkas lamaran yang masuk, dia
menemukan
4 orang calon yang cocok. Dia memutuskan memanggil ke-4 orang itu dan
menanyakan 1 pertanyaan saja. Jawaban mereka akan menjadi penentu apakah
akan diterima atau tidak.

Harinya tiba dan ke-4 orang itu sudah duduk rapi di ruangan interview.
Si
Manager lalau mengajukan 1 pertanyaan: setahu Anda, apa yang bergerak
paling
cepat?

Kandidat I menjawab, "PIKIRAN. Dia muncul begitu saja di dalam kepala,
tanpa
peringatan, tanpa ancang-ancang. Tiba-tiba saja dia sudah ada. Pikiran
adalah yang bergerak paling cepat yang saya tahu".

"Jawaban yang sangat bagus", sahut si Manager. "Kalau menurut Anda?",
tanyanya ke kandidat II.

"Hm....KEJAPAN MATA! Datangnya tidak bisa diperkirakan, dan tanpa kita
sadari mata kita sudah berkejap. Kejapan mata adalah yang bergerak
paling
cepat kalau menurut saya"

"Bagus sekali! Dan memang ada ungkapan 'sekejap mata' untuk
menggambarkan
betapa cepatnya sesuatu terjadi". Si manager berpaling ke kandidat III,
yang
kelihatan berpikir keras.

"NYALA LAMPU adalah yang tercepat yang saya ketahui", jawabnya, "Saya
sering
menyalakan saklar di dalam rumah dan lampu yang di taman depan langsung
saat
itu juga menyala"

Si manager terkesan dengan jawaban kandidat III. "Memang sulit
mengalahkan
kecepatan cahaya", pujinya.

Dilirik oleh sang manager, kandidat IV menjawab, "Sudah jelas bahwa yang
paling cepat itu adalah MENCRET"

"APA???!!!", seru sang manager yang terkaget-kaget dengan jawaban yang
tak
terduga itu.

"Oh saya bisa menjelaskannya", kata si kandidat. "Dua hari lalu kan
perut
saya mendadak mules sekali. Cepat-cepat saya berlari ke toilet. Tapi
sebelum
saya sempat BERPIKIR, MENGEJAPKAN MATA atau MENYALAKAN LAMPU,
saya sudah berak di celana"

Tentu saja kandidat terakhir yang diterima... ^-^

AIR INDIA

Surinder Singh's uncle was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay . But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.

When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, 'I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!'

So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began
spreading out his own home-cooked meal.

The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher and was curious about the food. 'Excuse me, what is that drink?' he asked.

The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, 'Milk of India !'

Then the uncle took out several pieces of chappatis and started
feasting.

'And what is that dish?' asked the curious American.. 'Wheat of India !' replied the uncle proudly.

Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American.

What is it?' asked the American. 'Sweets of India !' replied the old man.

After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud 'pooooooooot!' sound from the uncle.

'What was that?' asked the American, holding his nose in disgust.

The old man replied coolly, 'That's Air India .'Surinder Singh's uncle was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay . But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.

When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, 'I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!'

So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began
spreading out his own home-cooked meal.

The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher and was curious about the food. 'Excuse me, what is that drink?' he asked.

The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, 'Milk of India !'

Then the uncle took out several pieces of chappatis and started
feasting.

'And what is that dish?' asked the curious American.. 'Wheat of India !' replied the uncle proudly.

Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American.

What is it?' asked the American. 'Sweets of India !' replied the old man.

After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud 'pooooooooot!' sound from the uncle.

'What was that?' asked the American, holding his nose in disgust.

The old man replied coolly, 'That's Air India .'

Computer Joke - Is Windows a Virus

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a BUG.

You've been programming too long when :

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.

When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.

When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"

When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.

When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.

When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.

When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.